Lifetime
by Kage kioku aji tenshi
Summary: Summary: It was a lifetime of sorrows, of worry, of love, and Bucky would never think to change it for the world, even if he could never bring himself to tell Steve the truth. Hinted Slash.


Steve/Bucky

Summary: It was a lifetime of sorrows, of worry, of love, and Bucky would never think to change it for the world, even if he could never bring himself to tell Steve the truth.  
_

James 'Bucky' Barnes met the kid when he was four years old, of course he didn't know that the little tiny baby in the incubater would come to mean everything to him but it would come to be, many years down the road. The first time that counted though was when he was nine, the sickly five year old was lost and scared and newly orphaned, Bucky would normally ignore the kid but something called to him and he had no clue what, but when one of the older kids started in on the kid, a thirteen year old that wanted the kid's cookie, he stepped up and told the kid to beat it, he had made a reputation in the orphan home, and it wasn't a good one.

The little boy, and the kid was really small, had looked up at him and smiled before breaking the cookie in half and handing one of the halves to him, Bucky had taken the cookie as he sat next to the boy.

"I'm Steve Rogers." The boy said as he ate his cookie.

"Bucky." Bucky returned.

They had been inseparable since, except for when Steve was in the medical section of the orphan home. They had even been roomed together after Bucky's previous roommate had begged to be moved and Steve volunteered to trade.

The first time he had witnessed one of Steve's Asthma attacks he had panicked, he would never admit that of course but he had, freaked out when he realised that Stevie wasn't breathing, and why wasn't he breathing... He had learned how to take care of Stevie, and he realised that he didn't mind. Steve wasn't afraid of him, Steve offered to share the Lollies he got from all of the doctors he had to see, and Steve smiled at him when he handed him the (Stolen) sketchbook, (but he would never tell Steve that, even if the boy already knew the truth).

And on the nights when Steve wasn't in their room Bucky never could sleep all the way through, thinking about how tiny Steve must look in one of the medical beds, he was probably cold too, Bucky would always wait until he was sure Steve was asleep before he covered the shivering boy with his blanket.

And somehow, though Bucky could never figure out when, his life had come to revolve around Steve. Steve, who had been left at the orphan home when he had turned seventeen and been kicked out, Steve who had cried and had hidden the tears poorly as he waved goodbye, Steve who spent too many hours at his little apartment, Steve who cooked him breakfast and dinner when he could sneak away. Steve who had curled into his bed when his new roommate had kicked him out of their room to get laid, Steve who he found he loved holding, Steve who he could never tell.

When war came it was Steve who convinced him to sign up with him, only they didn't want Steve but had taken him, for the first time in years he left Steve alone. He had too many sleepless nights to count, nights spent worrying that Steve wouldn't be there when he came back, or that he wouldn't come back. With that in mind Bucky wrote a single letter to Steve, a final goodbye.

~Dear Steve,

This is going to sound crazy, and I forgive you if you disregard this letter all together, I'm sorry I could never tell you in person, you always were braver than me. All my life you've been there, at least the important bits, I don't know rightly when it happened, but somwhere along the line I think I fell in Love with you.

I Love you, love when you smile at me, love when you're curled up next to me, love that you never once thought to be scared of me.

Love you,

Bucky~

He hid the letter in the back of Steve's first sketchbook, and a part of him hoped that the other would never find it, then, in Zola's lab he thought if only he could see Steve one last time. After that he hapoed that they would live long enough to see the end of the war and he could tell him the truth, but then he fell, and the falling wasn't the worst part, the worst part was seeing that horrified look on Steve's face as he fell, the look on Steve's face as he slipped from the train, and he was sorry that he had put that look on Steve's face.

Steve looked at the box, for some reason Howard had collected all of his stuff and he had kept everything packed, not wanting to see the riminder of Bucky, but he pulled out the Sketchbook that he had been given all those years ago by Bucky, he had never drawn in it, it had been the first thing Bucky had given him, and while he knew that Bucky had stolen it he hadn't cared because it was for him and niether one of them had money to but anything.

Steve looked at the front cover before he started to set it onto the shelf, he was surprised that something fell out of the book. He set the book down and picked op the simple piece of paper, and unfolding it.

As he read he began to cry, he sat down beside the shelf and hoped that none of the others came in to see him, because the last thing he wanted was for Tony to use this against him, he refolded the letter and put it in his wallet, he would carry it with him forever knowing he would love Bucky for just as long.  
_ 


End file.
